Where do I begin?
The past few months have been filled with wonderful experiences as well as deeply emotional, gut wrenching horrific atrocities around caste and gender that leave me reflecting on the India I knew many moons ago to what it has become with middle class capitalism? Or is it that with technology, we hear more about the seething rage over our differences that has existed for a long, long time? Suicides, homicides, gang rapes have filled the front pages of our newspapers, along with heated and expressive protests and discussions on expectations of the government and judiciary to restore order as well as raise the bar of consciousness around accountability, decency and communal equity. As I see it, India is on a collision course with the old and the new in a country of contrasts with for example; the affluent living in close proximity to the slum dwellers, successful women entrepreneurs who nevertheless continue to deal with stereotypical notions of their abilities, women both educated and illiterate being exploited, harassed, and treated as chattel and the steadfast belief that God not man has created the separation of castes.
I keep asking – so what is my role as an individual in society? Most of the ‘models’ of the past – the ‘male leadership’ model, the ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ model, the ‘tolerance of differences’ model – one that Gandhi is quoted to have said ‘tolerance presupposes superiority’ have arguably failed us miserably in today’s very complex, complicated and interconnected world. Yet the average person in this mosaic of regional, religious and ethnic diversity especially in the urban landscape has somehow forgotten his/her responsibility to make this country great- it’s almost like a blame game where none of us is accountable for our actions?
Against this backdrop of gloom and melancholy, I had the pleasure of participating in a wedding of a good friend’s son here in Chennai. Consider this wonderful mix of cultures in this marital arrangement of Bengali and Punjabi- two warm, relationship oriented cultures where laughter, food, drink, dance and merriment are the order of the day!
My friends live right off the Thiruvanmiyur beach in a gorgeous home about 7,000 sq. ft. spread out amidst the beautiful landscape of flowering trees of champa (plumeria), and enormous banana and tropical ferns. The cool sea breezes and the gorgeous perfume of flowers with the beautiful array of Christmas lights mixed in with the holiday colours of red and green keep my spirits buoyant. Special teams of cooks have been preparing lunch and dinner on the verandah for some 100+ guests just wandering in and participating in various pre-wedding events for 4-5 days like the pooja in honour of the couple, mehendi (henna painting) for approximately 50-60 women. Of course an open bar adds to the festive ambience! Apparently, mehendi signifies the strength of love in the marriage and so brides try to leave the henna on for as long as possible!
Festivities continued with Sangeet party (also called Gaun) where family and friends shower the bride and groom with dance, music and laughter the night before the wedding itself. Traditionally, only women celebrated the Sangeet but now it has become co-ed and an opportunity for the families of the couple to get to know each other and become more comfortable. Lots of music, food, drink and enjoyment are the main ingredients for this all night party! Storytelling and jokes about the couple’s courtship days as well as good wishes for their future and choreographed dances are also part of the festivities. It was truly a grand spectacle of women in the traditional dress of anarkalis, sarees, gagra cholis in colours of pink, orange, mustard, red, purple, electric blue with glitter and gold. I must admit that most Indian women seem to have a natural penchant for colour and wear their dress with so much grace and a hint of sensuality even though they are not professional models! The men in long tunics and sherwanis of raw silk pastels complement the women’s attire so beautifully. The food catered by a good friend of mine who moved here from Vancouver was such a gorgeous eclectic feast of Asian cuisine.
The wedding ceremony was preceded by the baraat- where the groom is brought to the temple on horseback- what a spectacle it was! At the venue, both the groom and the bride were hoisted on the shoulders of some strong men who then garlanded each other before entering the temple. The priest was so good in terms of his ability to help the guests understand the significance of the various rituals- like tying the end of the bride’s sari to the groom and walking around the fire as part of their life together. What I found most amazing was that the ceremonial rituals actually respected both the bride and the groom as equals in this marriage.
The men in the family wore colourful turbans that were actually long scarves wrapped around the head with the ends flowing down in the back. Their colours of reds, mustards and blues were complemented by the bejewelled women in sarees made of exquisite silks in the most vibrant colours decorated with gold weave and incredibly beautiful! I saw more versions of wrapping a sari at this wedding since we had Punjabi, Bengali, Gujarathi, Tamilian, Telugu women wearing it in their traditional mode- of course the modern hip style of saris makes it even more sensual especially with blouses that have plunging backs, with tassels, beads and sequins that sparkled in the lights.
This wedding event was a wonderful way for me to end 2012- it has been 2 years since I returned and my life has been filled with beautiful experiences that have plunged me into the Indian cultural scene yet keeping me grounded and pragmatic around some of the challenges that continue to be part of living in an India that is grappling with balancing tradition with 21st century progress.
My hope for 2013 is that we will awaken to the need to be accountable to ourselves, respect our differences and expect our system to be aligned with the 21st century ideals.
A Happy and Prosperous 2013 to you!
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