Reflections on an India thrust into the 21st century

Where do I begin?

The past few months have been filled with wonderful experiences as well as deeply emotional, gut wrenching horrific atrocities around caste and gender that leave me reflecting on the India I knew many moons ago to what it has become with middle class capitalism? Or is it that with technology, we hear more about the seething rage over our differences that has existed for a long, long time?  Suicides, homicides, gang rapes have filled the front pages of our newspapers, along with heated and expressive protests and discussions on expectations of the government and judiciary to restore order as well as raise the bar of consciousness around accountability, decency and communal equity.  As I see it, India is on a collision course with the old and the new in a country of contrasts with for example; the affluent living in close proximity to the slum dwellers, successful women entrepreneurs who nevertheless continue to deal with stereotypical notions of their abilities, women both educated and illiterate being exploited, harassed, and treated as chattel and the steadfast belief that God not man has created the separation of castes.

I keep asking – so what is my role as an individual in society? Most of the ‘models’ of the past – the ‘male leadership’ model, the ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ model, the ‘tolerance of differences’ model – one that Gandhi is quoted to have said ‘tolerance presupposes superiority’ have arguably failed us miserably in today’s very complex, complicated and interconnected world.  Yet the average person in this mosaic of regional, religious and ethnic diversity especially in the urban landscape has somehow forgotten his/her responsibility to make this country great- it’s almost like a blame game where none of us is accountable for our actions?

Against this backdrop of gloom and melancholy, I had the pleasure of participating in a wedding of a good friend’s son here in Chennai. Consider this wonderful mix of cultures in this marital arrangement of Bengali and Punjabi- two warm, relationship oriented cultures where laughter, food, drink, dance and merriment are the order of the day!

My friends live right off the Thiruvanmiyur beach in a gorgeous home about 7,000 sq. ft. spread out amidst the beautiful landscape of flowering trees of champa (plumeria), and enormous banana and tropical ferns. The cool sea breezes and the gorgeous perfume of flowers with the beautiful array of Christmas lights mixed in with the holiday colours of red and green keep my spirits buoyant. Special teams of cooks have been preparing lunch and dinner on the verandah for some 100+ guests just wandering in and participating in various pre-wedding events for 4-5 days like the pooja in honour of the couple, mehendi (henna painting) for approximately 50-60 women. Of course an open bar adds to the festive ambience! Apparently, mehendi signifies the strength of love in the marriage and so brides try to leave the henna on for as long as possible!

Festivities continued with Sangeet party (also called Gaun) where family and friends shower the bride and groom with dance, music and laughter the night before the wedding itself. Traditionally, only women celebrated the Sangeet but now it has become co-ed and an opportunity for the families of the couple to get to know each other and become more comfortable. Lots of music, food, drink and enjoyment are the main ingredients for this all night party! Storytelling and jokes about the couple’s courtship days as well as good wishes for their future and choreographed dances are also part of the festivities. It was truly a grand spectacle of women in the traditional dress of anarkalis, sarees, gagra cholis in colours of pink, orange, mustard, red, purple, electric blue with glitter and gold. I must admit that most Indian women seem to have a natural penchant for colour and wear their dress with so much grace and a hint of sensuality even though they are not professional models! The men in long tunics and sherwanis of raw silk pastels complement the women’s attire so beautifully. The food catered by a good friend of mine who moved here from Vancouver was such a gorgeous eclectic feast of Asian cuisine.

The wedding ceremony was preceded by the baraat- where the groom is brought to the temple on horseback- what a spectacle it was!  At the venue, both the groom and the bride were hoisted on the shoulders of some strong men who then garlanded each other before entering the temple. The priest was so good in terms of his ability to help the guests understand the significance of the various rituals- like tying the end of the bride’s sari to the groom and walking around the fire as part of their life together.  What I found most amazing was that the ceremonial rituals actually respected both the bride and the groom as equals in this marriage.

The men in the family wore colourful turbans that were actually long scarves wrapped around the head with the ends flowing down in the back. Their colours of reds, mustards and blues were complemented by the bejewelled women in sarees made of exquisite silks in the most vibrant colours decorated with gold weave and incredibly beautiful! I saw more versions of wrapping a sari at this wedding since we had Punjabi, Bengali, Gujarathi, Tamilian, Telugu women wearing it in their traditional mode- of course the modern hip style of saris makes it even more sensual especially with blouses that have plunging backs, with tassels,  beads and sequins that sparkled in the lights.

This wedding event was a wonderful way for me to end 2012- it has been 2 years since I returned and my life has been filled with beautiful experiences that have plunged me into the Indian cultural scene yet keeping me grounded and pragmatic around some of the challenges that continue to be part of living in an India that is grappling with balancing tradition with 21^st century progress.

My hope for 2013 is that we will awaken to the need to be accountable to ourselves, respect our differences and expect our system to be aligned with the 21^st century ideals.

  A Happy and Prosperous 2013 to you!

What Works- Compliance based on Rules or Judgment?

Hello

Wow! the heat has finally subsided to a moderate level in Chennai. We have had occasional rains that help to cool things down although rain brings with it a host of infrastructure issues like storm drains not in place, standing water and traffic snarls.

Schools have been open now for over a month and roads are crowded in the morning with children of all ages in uniforms going to school carrying heavy backpacks. They are so neatly dressed, young girls with hair in neat plaits, shoes and socks or sandals and little colourful ties and belts. Boys in crisp trousers and hair combed and glistening with a touch of hair oil! Reminds me of my days in boarding school many moons ago!  What amazes me is the sight of so many children being transported by adults on motorbikes, scooters and bicycles! The first time I saw a motorbike with 3 children and 2 adults I almost freaked out thinking - that is most dangerous and surely against the rules! All my years of living in the US complying with rules of safety for oneself and those around you is all I could think of in the moment. Rules do exist here about the number of people allowed on two-wheelers- seems to me the police don't enforce the rules?

My girlfriend then gave me a different perspective on life in India- the fact that parents of all economic strata are so focused on meeting the educational needs of their children and will do whatever it takes to ensure that they attend school. It often is a risk riding on a crowded motorcycle or scooter- however these parents are often strapped for cash and must make many sacrifices for their children's education. Some schools do have school buses available- although the majority of children walk to school which is just as dangerous on the crowded streets of Chennai! I guess parents are trying to use their good judgment with the sole mission of ensuring their children have a better future! Despite all the publicity on societal upheavals and a growing intolerance for differences based on caste, religion and gender, it is heartening to see that education continues to be high on the agenda of most parents- after all these children can make or break this nation.

Of course we do have folks who believe they have sound judgment and interpret the law to their benefit- Often I’m sitting at a red light late at night when there is no traffic and watching others just whiz by using their sound judgment! Others are upset that we won’t move and start honking their horns and I’m often tempted to do the unthinkable- finger language, although I wonder if it would be understood! So the dilemma continues for me- when can we use sound judgment as opposed to just 'adhering to rules' because they are the rules? Is there room for pragmatic wisdom or does that entail a more mature constituency? One that truly embraces a democratic state that is inclusive, respectful of 'other' and supportive of the community interests and rights?

I'm sure you have been following the atrocious acts of molestation of this 19 year old woman in the Northeastern state of Assam. The price she had to pay for rejecting the advances of a TV reporter who then decides to get a mob of bastardly men to start molesting her as she leaves the bar and calls his TV crew to tape this horrific scene. What could be going through this 19 year old's mind and the emotional trauma caused by gutless men who respond to mob incitement! Then I read about a young woman who was being harassed by a group of men on the train that she commuted in and not a single person in that crowded train came to her rescue. She was pushed out of the moving train by these thugs and is recovering in the hospital- her only response to this tragic situation was that 'no one came to my aid'! Reminded me of the story of Kitty Genovese in New York in the sixties who was screaming for help from a rapist and murderer and no one responded at first. Imagine 10 years later Sandra Zahler faced a similar fate in New York with apathetic neighbours who did nothing hearing her cries for help.

Yet the last episode of the TV show hosted by the actor Amir Khan showcased individuals who make a difference in the community. He had a vegetable vendor whose husband died since they could not afford doctor's fees in 1971 and she vowed that one day she would fulfill her dream of providing free medical care to anyone who was in need. She had to send 2 of her boys to an orphanage since she could not feed them and worked as a manual labourer, saving enough money over 20 years to buy some land and built a hospital some 5 years later and it is run by her doctor son and other committed docs with free medical care for the underprivileged! What perseverance and determination to fulfill her vision of the impossible! Another story that touched my heart was of a 9 year old boy who attended school knowing that many children in his neighborhood were deprived of an education- so would rush home daily and teach his neighbors what he learnt that day and now at 19 is running a school for disadvantaged children in his community. He has teachers volunteering their services to the school. These stories are so inspirational especially since my dream of a Women’s Skills Training Centre is yet to be fulfilled.

India is truly a land of contrasts and an enigma to so many- You really have to be open to seeing both the genuine love, generosity and hospitality of her people as well as the dark, dreary and violent side. Considering the 1.2 billion population, luckily we have more of the positive although the negative gets more attention. However being vigilant and mindful of the atrocities committed and taking action in one’s own way is critical to this nation’s prosperity.

Here is my poem contemplating 65 years of independence and our responsibilities toward this great nation. Enjoy...

                     Celebrating Indian Independence Day

August 15, 1947

India on the brink of a freedom revolution
Unfettered from the chains of colonial powers
Still burdened by caste, class and religion
Determined to refute naysayers’ prediction
Of India’s doom and dire destruction

Sixty five years of glory and achievement
In education, medicine, arts and entertainment
Expanding the range of human potential
Contrasting both the good and the evil

Bollywood, Kollywood and Tollywood
Offering the masses false hopes and glamour
Even mastering the art & glitz of Hollywood
Making us more vulnerable to acts of terror

Looking back on the years of freedom
Have we truly created a nation?
Inspiring and motivating its people
To free themselves from burdensome tradition
Treating all humans as God’s great creation?

Let’s reflect on the privileges that we’ve been given
Knowing that not everyone has the same option
We have a responsibility to our nation
To eliminate greed, violence and corruption
Restore love, order and compassion
If we hope to be a global leader of nations
 ©Cecy Kuruvilla  2012

Moving the Needle of Change slowly but surely

This past May has been a scorching month with the heat index higher than last few years. Power cuts have been an additional burden on both- middle class and poor, young and old with the rural folks hit the hardest. The heat brings other maladies as well- Dengue fever and malaria mosquitoes have been a source of great misery for many families in the south of the state. A number of deaths have been reported due to Dengue fever and so a concerted effort is on to encourage people to be more vigilant about standing water. Corporation officials are now checking homes for water in flower pots and fining the residents- Clean Up or Pay up campaign is on! So a dilemma for many who were encouraged just a few months ago to place water outside for birds during the summer heat! Do you pay a fine and live with a few mosquitoes that may or may not be a carrier of dreadful diseases or be kind to the birds that also need to find respite in this heat!

The recent Supreme Court ruling that cars cannot have dark film on the windows has created quite a stir in the country. Terrorism takes its toll in so many ways- one of them is giving up your privacy in the vehicle in which you travel. So cops in Chennai have been stopping cars and imposing a fine of Rs. 100 and they get a ticket warning them to have the film removed. If they are caught a second time, the fine is doubled and folks are forced to wait in queue to have the film removed on the spot. That is an additional cost -Imagine sweating and being completely drenched and clothes sticking to you in this dreadful humid heat while you wait for the cops to have the job finished! Might as well get it done before you get stopped by the police!  So now we have a few entrepreneurs offering to remove the film for a price!

More good news and bad news- bad news first- dowry harassment continues to be a major challenge and it is incredible to read that more educated families are the culprits of this outrageous practice. In the last 5 months of this year, over 230 cases have been registered and 22 deaths have been reported in Chennai. The posh South Chennai communities apparently have been the perpetrators of this horrific practice. It is amazing to read that parents who pay for their son’s education as doctor, engineer or lawyer etc are viewing the dowry as one way for a return on their investment! Despite economic progress and women’s empowerment initiatives across the country, women are still being bought and sold like cattle!

The good news is that more women are willing and courageous to report dowry harassment from husbands and in-laws although the conviction rate is low. Nevertheless it takes an extreme amount of courage and familial support from the woman’s side to pursue the case and expect some relief and change in how women are perceived and treated. I am saddened that so many women have paid the price of their life to move the needle of change ever so slowly. The Supreme Court has recommended life terms for those convicted of brutal dowry deaths which is a sure sign of progress!!  

In the midst of all this, I just read in the Toronto Star that due to infanticide, child marriage and slavery, India is the worst country for a woman according to a global poll of experts and Canada is the best, the same poll concluded. We do have a long way to go and I’m confident that we will slowly get there- what amazes me is that the highly touted notion that education will rid the society of its ills just does not pan out- instead the more educated and affluent members of our society are also the perpetrators of many of the social maladies around caste, gender and religion.

I am so delighted that Aamir Khan one of the very popular and highly successful actors has started producing ‘Satyamev Jayate’ - a fantastic weekly TV show dealing with such provocative topics like female foeticide, child sex abuse, medical malpractices and health care disparities, effects of pesticides like endosulfan and a return to organic farming. He brings in the experts and provides both sides an opportunity to be heard so the audience can make a decision independently. He also gives victims an opportunity to share their experiences and the show on the effects of endosulfan was so tragic and heart wrenching to watch the congenital defects as a result of heavy spraying of cashew crops in north Kerala State for 25 years! The show has clearly become a hit and has made lawmakers take action as a result of the show- the Bill protecting children from sexual offence was passed 10 days after the show aired!  State governments are also responding with immediate action based on information highlighted on the show. Now that is the kind of impact I have been looking for from these Bollywood (Bombay), Tollywood (Telugu), Kollywood (Tamil Nadu) actors!! I only hope that more actors would get involved in social activism and leverage their cult status to bring needed change in this society.

I recently had a full medical check -up at the Platinum Lounge at Apollo Hospital. It was an interesting experience since it is set up on a floor all its own and a nurse is dedicated to help you move through all the various departments to get the tests done. So I arrived at 8.00 a.m. and a nurse took me to a private sitting room where she did the blood tests and then I was taken to another doctor who took my medical history, then I had the ENT tests, my vision, gynecology and heart check with EKG and a 320 CT Scan. Then I was given a breakfast of my choice and whisked off to another hospital centre for bone density and mammogram tests. Apparently this centre used to be solely for women but is now open to all as a result of protests!! Why does this not surprise me! Finally I am provided consultation on the test results- all is well as far as my health. I was delighted that my cholesterol dropped by 50 points from the time I lived in the US! I’m still puzzled as to what brought about the change? Is it less stress, more fresh fruits and vegetables, a greater level of comfort and acceptance of who I am, a less complicated and more simplistic lifestyle, the joy of being home again…??

So until the next time, have a blast on July 4^th and enjoy your summer. Look forward to hearing from you.

A Cultural Cornucopia

Wow! It has been 5 months since I wrote to you about my experience in India.

Much has changed while a lot remains the same. I have moved to another apartment in South Chennai on the 4^th floor in a true penthouse environment with an 800 sq. ft terrace and a 10 minute walk to the beach. The folks in this part of town tend to be a good mix of locals, NRIs (Non- Resident Indians) and foreigners. I am close to all the stores that sell the kind of produce and meats that I enjoy, making it a much more satisfying experience for me. What is fascinating despite the very urban, crowded environment with population bursting at the seams, infrastructure not in pace with the growth, is that there still is a large human touch element to services being rendered. It feels like some of the small towns in the US where you still get free delivery of groceries and dry goods, meat from the butchers, medicines from the pharmacies, and many other services including a personal trainer who comes 3 times a week for 1.5 hours at around $13/each visit!

My personal trainer strongly recommended that I consult a renowned sports physician for my rotator cuff problem and the doctor has a great practice. The reception area is a large room with many chairs set up in clusters to facilitate one of the staff members to complete the form, do an assessment of your medical needs, identify history of the problem(s) and then presents it to the doctor who checks your areas of concern and prescribes a series of physiotherapy sessions.  He hit all the sore points for me and it was done in about 5-10 minutes. The consultation is $10 and I set up my session with the physical therapist for the next day. It was interesting to see older Indian women who were there for therapy as well- it is a common room with three therapy tables set up for 3 female patients to be treated if needed. I was so intrigued by one of them who was very conservatively dressed in a sari, with jewellery that identified her traditional roots who was probably in her 70s. She got up on the table and one of the exercises was to lift one leg up and cross over the other leg- surprisingly, she had a pair of Capris under the sari- even the therapist got a chuckle out of that!

The most challenging issue for me is the power cuts that are scheduled for 2 hours each day and 8 hours once a month- so they change the schedule every week- and you try to manage your life around that. The 8 hour cuts are just awful with no air conditioning in this heat. There is an inverter in my apartment that switches on automatically and fans and some lights work. No electricity to power refrigerators or microwaves during the power shut down. Apparently, politics has a lot to do with the current power deficit- the politicians did not anticipate the tremendous growth and need for more power in the state and the Electricity Board is run in such a dismal manner with no regard to  infrastructure development.

Of course we had quite a show down recently at the nuclear power plant to be commissioned with Russian technology, where anti-nuclear activists had the local fishermen community up in arms against the start up of the plant despite safety assurances from experts and the ex-president of India, a renowned nuclear scientist.  Many factors played into this scenario- some have argued that US and other European countries were involved since they did not get the project; the severe power cuts had the state residents up in arms about the shut- down of work at the plant; the state chief minister played her cards by refraining to take any action either for or against until after the local bye-election. Then she sent a large contingent of police and guards for the forceful removal of protesters and work is back on target! Now the central government is investigating whether some of the NGOs are involved with subversive activity against the country and has blocked all foreign funds into their accounts.

It is scorchingly hot in Chennai and with the heat comes the avalanche of tropical fruits- gorgeous mangoes of so many varieties, beautifully luscious figs, sweet aroma of jackfruit, so many varieties of melons- musk, cantaloupe, watermelon,  lychees flooding the market and strawberries from neighboring Sr Lanka and mangosteens that are both slightly tart and oh so sweet (see picture below). This is my first introduction to mangosteens and I have thoroughly enjoyed this fruit. The gorgeous contrast of the white fleshy pods encased in the rich burgundy inner rind with a dark purplish outer layer and the color combination of the vibrant green leafy top against the purple exterior is so appealing to the eye.

Of course Chennai is also well known for its seafood and I have started taking the trip to the beach market near the famous Marina Beach.  The crabs have been so good especially when cooked with the Singapore Black Pepper seasoning accompanied by a good mango salsa and a chilled glass of white wine- enough to forget the worries of the world! The past few weeks the government has a 40 day moratorium against fishing since it is the spawning period- so am glad I stocked up on my seafood.

I love going to this market since the selling of fish is done by the women under thatched roofs and once you buy the fish you take it across the lane to the men who will clean it and cut it up according to your needs. The women will clean the shrimp for you- but I like freezing the shrimp in its shell. You get to bargain with the women and it is fun chatting with the women and getting to know about their lives- they remember you and they even noticed that I had changed my driver! They are just as curious about me and what I do and why I returned to India- so I like the interaction while enjoying the seafood shopping.

I am taking an active role as a co-chair of the Religion and Philosophy Committee of the International Women’s Association. It should be an interesting assignment, planning the various lectures, events and discussions on topics related to religion and philosophy. I am planning a panel discussion with experts and researchers on why women have been relegated to a submissive and secondary role in most world religions. Even the so-called enlightened ones still seem to have no interest in changing the role!

I also noticed that there are many more divorces happening especially to middle aged women who are just not ready or prepared for a life of being single. Many are devastated and angry about the turn of events and feeling a sense of deprivation leading to victimisation. So a friend and I have started the No Strings Attached Women’s group (NSA Women) to provide a forum for conversations, dining out, doing fun activities, networking and entertaining with other women. Apparently travel groups have started in India for women to travel with other women- so the trend is on- being single is replete with opportunities to fulfil dreams that might have been shelved for family reasons, building meaningful relationships and bonding with other women and being supportive and understanding of challenges faced by women.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers- may you continue to shower wisdom, energy and love on your family and your community.  

Hope to hear from you- blessings of summer abundance to each of you.